Post by c21king2queen on Apr 25, 2012 11:20:04 GMT -5
This morning started out with my 5 year old son waking up and saying, "I want to go home." I told him we are home. He responded, "No, I want to go home with God and my Dad." I told him that God and his Dad need him to stay here and he has a lot of living, learning, growing, playing, and fun to have before he goes home to Heaven to be with God and his Dad. Then looked right at me and asked pointblank, "Who killed my Dad and why?" I don't want to lie to my son. I told him the names of 2 people responsible for killing his Dad. I told him that they were evil, selfish and greedy and decided that a piece of land was worth more than human lives. They hurt, stole and killed. He responded, "I will kill them." I told him, "No, that is not what God or your Dad want us to do." I explained to him that is not what God calls us to do. God does not want us to lie, steal, hurt and kill. God calls us to love and help others. I told him that the people responsible for killing his Dad are in jail and we are waiting for a trial so a jury can decide on their punishment. I explained that when he and his classmates do something bad or don't listen at school they get put in time out and don't get to pick a treat from the treat box at the end of the day.l The people who killed his Dad are in time out and have lost the priviledge to pick out treats. When we go to trial the jury will decide how long they stay in time out. I told him that we are hoping and trying to keep them in time out for the rest of their lives so they can't get out and hurt and kill anyone else. God wants us to love, help, be kind and good to others. God wants us to treasure and preserve life instead of hurting, destroying and taking lives. My son looked at me and said, "I will teach them to be loving and helpful." I certainly hope that God will always shine his light through my son's heart for the whole world to see....and a child shall lead them. I hope that my son will always continue to be loving and kind and teach others God's love, kindness, helpfulness, mercy and grace. I am still struggling with forgiveness and finding peace. God calls us to forgive even the unforgivable. That is something we have to come to on our own in our own time and way. I hope that I can find a way to live, lead and teach my son by example. I think in order to do that I need to get through the murder trial, get answers, justice and I need to meet with the murderers face to face, one on one. I need these murderers to help me find a way to forgiveness and find some sort of peace so that I can truly live, lead and teach my son by example. My son is teaching me so much about life and love. Life and Love are God's greatest gifts to all of us. Tomorrow is the 4 year anniversary of the day my husband was murdered. 4 years ago tomorrow they took my husband's life, they took my life as a wife, they took my son's father, they took the love of my life, husband and father of my only child. They took everything from us. Now I need them to give back by helping me to find a way to forgiveness and finding peace. It is has changed my whole life, my whole world forever. My son and I have to live with this for the rest of our lives. You never really get over it or forget. You do have find a way to live with it. I don't want to keep carrying the pain, hate, hurt, and anger. That cross is too heavy to keep carrying. I don't want to teach any of that to my son. I want to teach positive and good things to my son. I feel sorry for the people responsible for my husband's murder because no one taught them good and positive things. No one taught them the love, kindness, caring, helpfulness of God. No one taught them the value of human life and that we are to treasure and preserve life. They were taught hate, hurt, anger, violence, selfishness, greed, and evil deeds. I hope they come to know God and what God calls us to do before they die in prison. We can all learn a lot from the innocence of a child.