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Post by opalmaje on Sept 18, 2012 12:59:16 GMT -5
Does this pain ever stop?
We just had the Trial over 2yrs later Derek Tyler Horton was convicted of 3 counts of capital murder and sentenced to die he is 20 yrs old.
My mom was the sweetest of ladies just 59 yrs young when this kid took her life. He was robbing her home and she came home and then he surprised her in her home he made her get on her hands and knees and pray then he shot her twice in the head execution style. Then he burned down her house and stole her car. he was picked up near her car the next morning but not arrested for her murder for around a week later.
How do me my sister and my brother get over this pain? I thought I would feel better after he was convicted but I don' t.
I just found this site because i was at a very unhappy sad place in my life.
I read alot of the stories here and i can see im certainly not alone in my sadness so many peole have lost children and other loved ones..losing my mom has been the hardest thing in my life but losing one of my children would be something i would not be able to get thru. My heart and prayers go out to everyone here.
Do you ever forgive? or does this hate stay with you?
God Bless us all
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Post by pumpkin12903 on Sept 19, 2012 10:58:09 GMT -5
Does this pain ever stop? We just had the Trial over 2yrs later Derek Tyler Horton was convicted of 3 counts of capital murder and sentenced to die he is 20 yrs old. My mom was the sweetest of ladies just 59 yrs young when this kid took her life. He was robbing her home and she came home and then he surprised her in her home he made her get on her hands and knees and pray then he shot her twice in the head execution style. Then he burned down her house and stole her car. he was picked up near her car the next morning but not arrested for her murder for around a week later. How do me my sister and my brother get over this pain? I thought I would feel better after he was convicted but I don' t. I just found this site because i was at a very unhappy sad place in my life. I read alot of the stories here and i can see im certainly not alone in my sadness so many peole have lost children and other loved ones..losing my mom has been the hardest thing in my life but losing one of my children would be something i would not be able to get thru. My heart and prayers go out to everyone here. Do you ever forgive? or does this hate stay with you? God Bless us all Dear opalmaje, I'm very sorry about your mother. I'm glad you found us and hope you find some comfort here. My pain hasn't ever completely gone away to be honest. This goes for other MVS also. However, my pain has lessened through the healing that's happened through recovery work. As far as forgiveness goes that's up to each MVS. Unfortunately, too much of the time MVS don't get the WHOLE picture on that issue. I've worked online to present BOTH sides of that issue: information on forgiving and information on not forgiving. I chose to forgive. However, this doesn't mean I'll ever forget. 1 of the lies about forgiveness with MVS is that when we forgive we also forget and think what happened was OK. In regards to getting over the pain the following have helped me heal: counseling. This literally saved my life. Also: writing about it all, getting spiritual counseling for the spiritual issues of the whole thing not covered in regular counseling, going to Parents of Murdered Children meetings, talking to understanding friends and family and coming to places like this online. I hope this info helps you. Again, welcome to the board. Take care.
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Post by Janet-Beth's Mom on Sept 19, 2012 21:35:49 GMT -5
Dear Opalmaje, No I don't think it ever stops. But for me it has grown easier to walk around in it over the years. Therapy helped me through some of the early worst years. I've done some of the same things as Pumpkin. I went to a POMC support group meetings. It was such a relief to find others who could understand what I was talking about. And my therapists got me started keeping a journal; I still do that sometimes. I remember for so long the whole world just seemed gray and sad. But it does not have to be that way all the time forever. I have my ups and downs now. Some days just will always hurt I've decided. Sometimes a trigger can still get me. I will always miss her every day. But I can smile and enjoy other things in my life more again now too. It is not this bad forever. I had a big crash after trial too; I think that is unfortunately normal- in fact we do relive it to a great degree if we give Victim Impact testimony or statements. For me personally, I don't even believe it is my right to forgive someone for something done to someone else. They did not murder me. I have always hoped they face their victims alongside God when their judgment day comes. I don't know, but that's what I hope. I know some people who said forgiving has helped them, and I am glad for anything that helps any of us feel even a bit better. With the help of time and therapy and venting, that rage rarely has any hold on me anymore. But personally I'll never feel ashamed or wrong for being angry at murder. I am so sorry you know this pain. I am so sorry your mother was taken from you. And I hope you can find something in our words that helps at least a bit for now. Janet
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Post by tamècasmom on Sept 20, 2012 9:43:54 GMT -5
Dear Opalmaje,
Two years might seem like forever yet it is not a long time to live life as a Murder Victim Survivor. You are in the beginning stages of a very long journey. The process of living life as a murder victim, for me, has been like taking baby steps towards living again. I know I will never walk the same again; my prayer has been, not to wopple so much when I am walking through life as a MVS. I don't think a survivor can rush their steps towards living with the pain. I do believe there are things one can do to help the process. I went to therapy and I took medication for a short period of time, the one thing I know that help me, was time.
I pray the LORD brings you peace when you need it most. I believe things will get better for you...the question I cannot answer is when, however I will pray for it to happen sooner than later.
This site has been a haven for me and I believe it can also be one for you because it is always here.
Dawn
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