Post by Lianne on Jul 7, 2003 3:59:55 GMT -5
Hi
It's been a while since I posted here, on the old board before. I am going to my sister trial in China on Saturday. She was murdered May 2000. I have been really feeling like I did in the first year and I had made a lot of "progress". I am currently signed off work sick. But something that happened before I left are really bothering me.
I am off sick again with PTSD/depression. I had been working full-time again for over 2 years before this. I live in the UK so we have more compassionate sickness laws, well I get full pay for 6 months. I've just been off since last week. I had problems with what the team think my job is in what I think it is. My boss is not that keen to clarify it as he does not want to stop their being a "helpful" atmosphere, and they do not want it in writing in case I use it as an exhaustive list of what I can/cannot do. I tried to solve these original problems and offered for everyone to do a 360 questionnaire on me so they could tell me anything else. This has all taken ages so I got it back and read it on the day I got signed off by the work doctor.
. I've been having a lot of problems with one colleague at work. According to her I am incapable of abstract thought, a "victim" (I think everyone owes me something, and one reason she thinks I am a victim is
because I have not left the job yet when she thinks I am not happy there!) I also think it is because I complained about having to pay to go to the trial (£1000) and she thinks I should pay and this is part of the world owing me something. She is not really sympathetic or a very compassionate person.
She knows about the trial etc! Amazing. Also according to her I should not work in HR or with people as I can not build rapport and do not give to world. I know it's rubbish but it has really felt like being kicked when I am down again. She really thought she was being helpful and says she does like me!
I saw my therapist and that helped too with the work stuff. I have felt very angry with the colleague at work, my therapist was glad I was angry as it meant I was not just taking it all on board. I did at first and still feel like I am reeling from it and it will be very hard for me to go back there. She knew about the trial but not about my PTSD/depression, still very inappropriate to be making such sweeping judgements about someone you
hardly know, when you're meant to be commenting on their work. I may end up talking to HR about it, but it's not really one of my worries right now. I am going to try and get another job so I don't have to go back there but I will see how it goes. Legally there is not much I can do. My doctor is pretty supportive and my company pays me for 6 months for being off sick, not that I want to be off that long. See how it all goes.
I doubt if I will go straight back to work after the trial as I am expecting it to be very traumatic. We will hear about the confessions of the 2 men who are accused (hopefully), and see where Shirine was murdered etc. We will also all be going as a family, which will be pretty hard on it's own.
I am also wondering should I have been different at work. Is my anger spilling over into other things. She also reckons I have black and white/right wrong thinking and blame other people instead of changing myself. The example she gave is when I complained to our work social club organiser about a Jack the Ripper Walk organised by work about a year ago. A phonecall she and my colleagues overheard and obviously discussed afterwards. She told me how when coming to the UK the Jack the Ripper Walk was something she was looking forward to, and made out I have spoiled her enjoyment. She said this was an example that I could not see other people had different opinions to me. I said I was very well aware other people did not share my views (we discussed things after I saw the 360 q'aire results), but it was something I felt strongly about. She criticised me for not "going with the flow" and I said nothing ever changes if everyone always goes with the flow.
She also said being helpful does not come naturally to me (at work) but I guess she is generalising everything from our (bad) work relationship to see it as me everywhere. She also offered to help me with my CV or to get work to pay for career counselling for me to help me find something I want to do.
This is still really bothering me and I would appreciate any feedback, I will be away from work for at least a month but think it will be very hard to go back. If I tell my boss he will tell her and I will get some come back from her again....
Lianne
It's been a while since I posted here, on the old board before. I am going to my sister trial in China on Saturday. She was murdered May 2000. I have been really feeling like I did in the first year and I had made a lot of "progress". I am currently signed off work sick. But something that happened before I left are really bothering me.
I am off sick again with PTSD/depression. I had been working full-time again for over 2 years before this. I live in the UK so we have more compassionate sickness laws, well I get full pay for 6 months. I've just been off since last week. I had problems with what the team think my job is in what I think it is. My boss is not that keen to clarify it as he does not want to stop their being a "helpful" atmosphere, and they do not want it in writing in case I use it as an exhaustive list of what I can/cannot do. I tried to solve these original problems and offered for everyone to do a 360 questionnaire on me so they could tell me anything else. This has all taken ages so I got it back and read it on the day I got signed off by the work doctor.
. I've been having a lot of problems with one colleague at work. According to her I am incapable of abstract thought, a "victim" (I think everyone owes me something, and one reason she thinks I am a victim is
because I have not left the job yet when she thinks I am not happy there!) I also think it is because I complained about having to pay to go to the trial (£1000) and she thinks I should pay and this is part of the world owing me something. She is not really sympathetic or a very compassionate person.
She knows about the trial etc! Amazing. Also according to her I should not work in HR or with people as I can not build rapport and do not give to world. I know it's rubbish but it has really felt like being kicked when I am down again. She really thought she was being helpful and says she does like me!
I saw my therapist and that helped too with the work stuff. I have felt very angry with the colleague at work, my therapist was glad I was angry as it meant I was not just taking it all on board. I did at first and still feel like I am reeling from it and it will be very hard for me to go back there. She knew about the trial but not about my PTSD/depression, still very inappropriate to be making such sweeping judgements about someone you
hardly know, when you're meant to be commenting on their work. I may end up talking to HR about it, but it's not really one of my worries right now. I am going to try and get another job so I don't have to go back there but I will see how it goes. Legally there is not much I can do. My doctor is pretty supportive and my company pays me for 6 months for being off sick, not that I want to be off that long. See how it all goes.
I doubt if I will go straight back to work after the trial as I am expecting it to be very traumatic. We will hear about the confessions of the 2 men who are accused (hopefully), and see where Shirine was murdered etc. We will also all be going as a family, which will be pretty hard on it's own.
I am also wondering should I have been different at work. Is my anger spilling over into other things. She also reckons I have black and white/right wrong thinking and blame other people instead of changing myself. The example she gave is when I complained to our work social club organiser about a Jack the Ripper Walk organised by work about a year ago. A phonecall she and my colleagues overheard and obviously discussed afterwards. She told me how when coming to the UK the Jack the Ripper Walk was something she was looking forward to, and made out I have spoiled her enjoyment. She said this was an example that I could not see other people had different opinions to me. I said I was very well aware other people did not share my views (we discussed things after I saw the 360 q'aire results), but it was something I felt strongly about. She criticised me for not "going with the flow" and I said nothing ever changes if everyone always goes with the flow.
She also said being helpful does not come naturally to me (at work) but I guess she is generalising everything from our (bad) work relationship to see it as me everywhere. She also offered to help me with my CV or to get work to pay for career counselling for me to help me find something I want to do.
This is still really bothering me and I would appreciate any feedback, I will be away from work for at least a month but think it will be very hard to go back. If I tell my boss he will tell her and I will get some come back from her again....
Lianne