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Post by LisaAnne on Jun 28, 2003 16:16:15 GMT -5
This is my first message. My sister was murdered almost 3 years ago. The monster was arested July 10, 2002. The trial was last month and he was found guilty of first degre murder. In Mich. he will get life without parole but I will still get to make a statement. I need help with what to say. Also, this man was the father of my sister's son. They were never married and have not been together in 14 years. Now we will have to fight for custody of my nephew with the family of the murderer. They are not nice people and I am having trouble dealing with them. Any advice with that would be appreciated too. We have custody now and they have visitation. We had to listen to them blame us, the police and even lawyers for what their son did. My hope is that no one else needs to become a member. Take care everyone.
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Post by callie on Jun 28, 2003 20:55:56 GMT -5
I am so sorry about the loss of your sister. I too lost my sister 10 weeks ago. Her killer committed suicide so there will be no trial. I have often been angry about this beacuse now I will never get to tell him how I feel. I also live in Michigan and was ready to let this man have it in court . If I were in your shoes I thinkI would tell this man how much he has hurt your family, the things that will never be because he took your sisters life. He needs to know that he didn't just take your sisters life, but a part of everyone's life who knew her. He needs to see his actions have far reaching effects. I hope this helps!! These are things I would have liked to say to my sisters killer. You need to say whatever feel right to you. I am sure this will be a difficult time for you. I visit the board often if you need to talk or need support. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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honeybare
Cadet
Jeanne Dotts Brykalski - Les and Carol's daughter
Posts: 183
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Post by honeybare on Jun 29, 2003 18:12:13 GMT -5
I am so sorry about your sister. I can't believe the court would even consider letting the people who raised the monster who murdered her have custody of her son.
First of all, you have to be very careful what you say in your impact statement. Everything you say will be held as a "reflection" of you and your sister. People who did not know her, and do not know you, and I can guarantee have never lost anyone to violence can be pretty judgemental when it comes to these type statements.
Let them know lots of good stuff about your sister, share a couple of special memories about her. Then tell them how her murder has affected you. Be honest with your emotions BUT do not use profanity or make any accusations that can not be backed up by evidence or statements brought up in court.
SOme points to ponder that you make want to use as a part of your statement, or as "inspiration" for your statement. These are not original, they come from different philosphers and humantiarians.
1. "There is only one thing in the universe that we have control over. That is the path we choose for either good or evil.."
2. "Doing the right thing is not difficult, determing what the right thing is, that is what is difficult. Once you know what the right thing is, doing it is the only option and ethical or moral person has."
3. "One must be very careful when attempting to destroy the monster, one does not become the monster."
4. "The true measure of the success of someone's life is the memories and love they leave behind."
5. "When good men do nothing, evil triumphs."
6. "We all want and need justice, and one day justice may come. But it does not right any wrongs. It does not undo any atrocities. Murder is permanent and forever."
7. "The words "I'm sorry" may make someone feel better saying them, but they do not heal a heart that has been broken by violence, or bring back the ones taken by violence."
[Below is what I posted on the east tennessee victims rights task force memorial page in my parents memories.... I hope it will help give you some ideas.
A Memorial Letter written in Loving Memory of Les and Carol Dotts, by Jeanne Lynne Dotts Brykalski
[Letter written in Loving Memory of Les and Carol Dotts, by Jeanne Lynne Dotts Brykalski
Dear Mom and Dad,
Today is June 17, 2001. Not only your anniversary, but it is also Father’s Day. I have tried on several occasions to come up with an “appropriate” memorial for and to you. But everything I wrote seemed so “stuffy”. And you two were anything but “stuffy”. Then this letter started writing itself.
When I think of you, I can hear your laughter. Rich, real, and straight from the heart. I can see the two of you walking down the beach in front of Bry and I, holding hands, heads together, and laughing. I can close my eyes and see memories of the four of us at eating dinner, watching our collies run and play, playing cards or Trivia Pursuit, and I can hear the laughter. There was always so much love in you and from you. You taught me so much and gave me even more. I am proud of who I am because of you.
When I think of you, I realize that the greatest gift you ever gave me was to understand that to truly live, you need to wake up every morning and appreciate all the things and people around you, and look for the joy of it all, especially when it is the hardest thing to do.
Sometimes it still hurts to think of you. The monsters who took you away from us have shown no regret, no remorse, and have accepted no responsibility for what they did. We still have to face them in appeals court and eventually at parole hearings. There have been times I have wanted to lash out and hurt them they way they hurt you… and me. But then I hear Mom in my head saying “two wrongs don’t make a right”. And I hear Daddy on my 18th birthday telling me that I am now legally responsible for all the things I have always been ethically and morally accountable for, and I know that I will never lower myself to their level, because I would be dishonoring the two of you and your memory. (See, I WAS listening.) Daddy, you always said one person could make a difference, but I didn’t really fully believe it until Bry and I joined the East Tennessee Victims’ Rights Task Force. They reached out to us, one at a time, to listen, to share, and to give us back some of the “heart” that was taken from us when you were so brutally murdered. And in turn, we have done the same for others. I believe that is what started us on the path to being able to heal. Although time DOES NOT heal all wounds, with the compassion and kindness from those around us in the Task Force, we have learned how to put on really good Band-Aids and to persevere.
Not that you will be surprised, but I wanted to let you know your collie HoneyBare is happy, healthy, and goofy as ever. She is truly a joy to us, and a blessing in our lives. Sometimes loving her and taking care of her for you has been the only thing we could do for you, and the only thing that has kept us going.
I think you know how proud I am that you are my parents. I always knew you were special, but I didn’t know how many other people realized it also. The letters and cards we received kept taking about how much you loved life, how much you gave to others through listening and caring, your abundant joy in living, and of course your laughter. I still run into people who always smile when they share their memories of you. Someone once said “that a true measure of the success of someone’s life is the memories and the people you leave behind.” You left behind a legacy to be proud of, and we are.
We miss you, we love you, and we will never forget you.
Your daughter and son-in-law
Jeanne Dotts Brykalski and Robert Edward Brykalski ]
(HoneyBare passed away this past May 12th. )
One more thought........... you may want to write and rewrite your statement several times. The first time go ahead and rant and rave and vent and get nasty. Once you get that out of your system, it should make writing the statment a little smoother.
BIG HUG (((( ))) Jeanne
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Post by LisaAnne on Jun 30, 2003 7:05:52 GMT -5
Callie ad Jeanne, Thank you for your support and advice. It has been three years today since my sisters murder and it still feels like it was yesterday. I haven't had time to grieve. I think because I have spent so much time "helping" the police and prosecutor with the case, I just didn't let myself think of Lisa and our lose. Now with the guilty verdict, it has hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm happy to find others who understand. I can't find a support group in the area. Your kind words and wisdom bring comfort. Jeanne......what a beautiful letter and tribute to your parents. I see a picture of wonderful people who loved you and many people in their lives. I also come across many people who tell happy stories of my sister. A newspaper writer emailed me yesterday and wants to write a story about Lisa. I think I will do the interview and keep your advice in mind. Thank you Callie and Jeanne. Since you have been through the same, I'm sure you know how much your letters mean to me. Be strong. You are in my prayers. Laurie (Lisa's big sister)
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Post by Carrie-Bill's sister on Jul 3, 2003 12:20:28 GMT -5
Hi, I am sorry about the loss of your sister. How awful. If you go back to the main page of murdervictims.com. There is a button that says impact statements. Several examples are there. The main objectives in a victim impact statement: 1) To help the judge et al understand the magnitude of the loss 2) To recommend a sentence (usually the max) and to help the judge et al understand why the perp deserves the max 3) To help those listening know the one person who cannot speak for themselves anymore, the victim I found writing the impact statement for my brother's murder to be very hard. Something about taking inventory and expressing the magnitude of loss was just heart wrenching. Yet, expressing some of this with the murderer present was cleansing. I think since I had not had opportunity to confront the murderer before, my mind was polluted for some time with all I wanted to say (some appropriate to read in court, and some not). Reading this helped get rid of some the pollution. I am going to copy it into a separate post, because it to long. Good Luck. Be strong Take Care, carrie Copyright 2003 - Justice For All This is my first message. My sister was murdered almost 3 years ago. The monster was arested July 10, 2002. The trial was last month and he was found guilty of first degre murder. In Mich. he will get life without parole but I will still get to make a statement. I need help with what to say. Also, this man was the father of my sister's son. They were never married and have not been together in 14 years. Now we will have to fight for custody of my nephew with the family of the murderer. They are not nice people and I am having trouble dealing with them. Any advice with that would be appreciated too. We have custody now and they have visitation. We had to listen to them blame us, the police and even lawyers for what their son did. My hope is that no one else needs to become a member. Take care everyone.
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Post by Carrie-Bill's sister on Jul 3, 2003 12:22:18 GMT -5
Here is the link to the impact statement I wrote. It is too long to post. www.murdervictims.com/Impact/FreitagImpact.htmThis is my first message. My sister was murdered almost 3 years ago. The monster was arested July 10, 2002. The trial was last month and he was found guilty of first degre murder. In Mich. he will get life without parole but I will still get to make a statement. I need help with what to say. Also, this man was the father of my sister's son. They were never married and have not been together in 14 years. Now we will have to fight for custody of my nephew with the family of the murderer. They are not nice people and I am having trouble dealing with them. Any advice with that would be appreciated too. We have custody now and they have visitation. We had to listen to them blame us, the police and even lawyers for what their son did. My hope is that no one else needs to become a member. Take care everyone.
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